Today I took a step further, faced my fear of being in a crowd. After two long years I am attending the Navratri celebration of my school. Of course, it is difficult. Looking at everyone around me dancing to this magical tune, all these happy faces, listening to this music and not being able to go and dance as I used to earlier. It is even more difficult considering the fact that this is the one festival I have always waited for every year. I don't remember ever being so excited for any other festival. And now, although stripped away from that beautiful crowd, dancing and enjoying every moment, every beat, I come to think of how blessed I really am. I can still feel the blood rush through my body every time I hear the familiar tune of Garba. I can still feel goosebumps on my skin every time my favourite-of-all Garba plays in the background and everyone jumps to the rythm. I am fortunate enough to feel everything I used to feel earlier.
The one big difference this time is that I am looking at all those subtle moments which earlier went unnoticed because of the adrenaline. Friends teasing each other. Lovers looking at each other, smiling and unable to look away. A garba player, high on this enchanting Navratri fever, losing herself in the moment. The beautiful Durga idol, devotees all around it, praying for all the happiness in the world. If not for my injury I would never have looked at these things. I realised there is so much beauty and serenity in this festival of colour, energy and adrenaline. It brings people together, connects people with themselves. Maybe somewhere in my heart I knew I was missing it too much, but all I did about it was to shirk away altogether from the festival. Maybe it isn't so bad to sit here, looking and listening and feeling it all but not participating myself. Maybe life isn't so unfair as people tend to assume.
After all this time in a wheelchair I realised a lot of things about life, happiness, priorities, friendship and whatnot. In the end all that matters is what we choose to remember and the way we choose to remember it. I have had my low moments when I cried my eyes out missing all the things I used to do earlier. But something about today is different. I am facing a lot of what I fear - crowds, Garba, sitting alone and watching while everyone is having fun. But today I choose to smile. I choose to remember the sound of this heavenly music and the feel of its beats and all the happy faces around me.
Today I choose to cherish each moment I witness of this celebration.
Today I choose to be happy.
