Monday, 19 July 2021

Waves

 On days like this I hardly have strength to go on. So I cry, ask my parents for comfort, and after the tears have finally drained me, I sleep.

It’s strange, really. The thoughts aren’t new ones, I don’t blame anyone, and neither does it last very long. It comes, shakes me to the core, and goes, waiting to strike again, hidden from my view. It’s only recently that it has started to come this often.

In less than a month I will have lived for five years with my injury. My routine has hardly eased over the years; in fact it’s only gotten longer. I keep pushing my boundaries, breaking them and then working towards breaking new boundaries yet again. The cycle hasn’t stopped yet. Sometimes it feels like it might never, but I’m still holding on. Who even am I working this hard for, if not myself? And don’t we all deserve some hard work just for ourselves, though the definition of ‘some’ is different for everyone?

It is tough. Heartbreaking. Sometimes devastating too. I’ve been under a lockdown of my own far longer than this pandemic has forced us to - everyone who knows me knows this. Of course, it has its happy times. For me, these are far more in number than the sad ones, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t break me from time to time. My efforts to regain my sensation and motor control take up so much of my time everyday I am sometimes afraid to think what I’ll do after this is all over, when I will finally have enough time and I will still complain about having too little of it. (That, however, would be because I’ll just keep wanting to do so many things all the time!) So then why does it scare me when it should be a beacon of light, a goal, one of the best case scenarios for me? Simply because I’ve longed for it so much now, yet been involved in doing something so far away from it, that I fear it might take me years to get used to that kind of freedom. The one where I can just run about if I want.

I am afraid, I am exhausted, I just want to lie down for a while, and I will.

And after all is said and done, I will fight again.
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13 comments:

  1. Nisha Kotecha19 July 2021 at 19:14

    It's hard to read first part without getting a tear.. (eventhough I tried it multiple times). Long way to go girl . Never seen a figter like you.. ❤️

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  2. Nidhi D Bhosale19 July 2021 at 19:33

    Dearest Garima
    If I haven't said it before, and even if I have already said it like a hundred times; I am so proud of you. The emotions that you have penned, make me want to come over and give you a tight hug. But, it also makes me think how grown-up you are, already. The cute little girl that I met almost 18 years back is now a sensitive, smart and sensible budding author. I understand your pain, but keep fighting darling because there is no better high than achieving that goal. Loads of love. Looking forward to more of your blogs.��

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  3. Nidhi D Bhosale19 July 2021 at 19:33

    Dearest Garima
    If I haven't said it before, and even if I have already said it like a hundred times; I am so proud of you. The emotions that you have penned, make me want to come over and give you a tight hug. But, it also makes me think how grown-up you are, already. The cute little girl that I met almost 18 years back is now a sensitive, smart and sensible budding author. I understand your pain, but keep fighting darling because there is no better high than achieving that goal. Loads of love. Looking forward to more of your blogs.💕

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  4. abcd19 July 2021 at 20:49

    Dear Garima
    It's brave to acknowledge one's pain. According to me it's kind of chit-chatting with it and getting ready for the next milestone. This reminds me of Douglas who confronted with his insecurities and fear and came triumph later on. Believe me there are only a few who are like Garima and Douglas...and we look upto you for an inspiration and learning the real life skills. Rest & Resume. You are a beacon... keep enlighten us with your writing. Whosoever came in your contact even for brief period, you have left an indelible impression on her/him. You are everybody's pride(Garima). Waves just touch the shore and go away.This will also pass. Otherwise also as you have written earlier, it's sign of life. Yes it is. I agree with you. Lots of love.

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  5. Unknown19 July 2021 at 23:36

    My dewdrop,
    If ever im asked what is the one thing im REALLY proud of, my answer shall always be - having you as my daughter! I see you grow stronger every moment, like true steel under fire! All my love and strength to you!

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  6. Kejal Pandya20 July 2021 at 12:07

    I am witness how for so many number of times you have gathered yourself after feeling low. The courage that you have shown has already been extraordinary and it is still a very small part of your personality. I and pappa are so very proud of you forever. A very tight hug to you darling. It's ok not to be ok sometimes. Important is to rise every time.

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  7. Garima Vyas20 July 2021 at 12:15

    Thanks a lot mumma!🤗🤗💕

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  8. Dr darshna Thakker26 July 2021 at 22:29

    Power is within!!! A few like you recognize it and expand boundaries... keep it up! It requires more courage to be saying "I am not ok" than "all is well" . Lots of love for your strength to conquer limiting boundaries.... visualizing you with great power always, all ways

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