A Little Perspective

The Oxford English dictionary defines perspective as “a way of thinking about something.” There exist as many perspectives in the world as there are people. Each one is unique and gives us an insight about the person who owns it. Yet our mind stays stuck to just one of them when trying to solve problems or while even thinking about something. Our own.

Often we experience that we cannot think of a possible way of solving our problems, of dealing with people. We wonder what makes people so different from one another. The answer to these questions may seem unrelated, but really, it all lies in how we look at things. For instance, we see old people around us. So many of them stay in a state of seclusion, and no matter how hard we try, they seem impossible to satisfy. Their mindset seems to have become inflexible and they do not accept changes as easily as we do. They take themselves to be a burden upon the lives of their ‘extremely busy children,’ or they tend to find flaws with everything their children try to do for them. And then there are the other type, the ones which want to be included, and tend to find the good stuff in everything around them. They know there is a need to take action to be happy – only expecting others to do something is useless. Upon close observation, we notice that the only difference between these two types of the same age group is their perspective – the latter more positive than the former.

Such examples abound in our life. People who have suffered from an accident physically may or may not have suffered mentally. Ever since my accident, people have asked me, “Don’t you ask yourself why this happened to you?” And I have only had one thing to say. Whatever happens, happens for good. This is not a very happy incidence, I agree. But the changes it has incurred in my perspective, in my way of looking at things, is overwhelming. Never have I ever pitied myself, nor have I let anybody else pity me. Thinking positively can get you through everything.

There are times when we are completely devoid of hope. There is nothing that seems to comfort us, to make us feel worthy. The simple question that can help us find meaning in such situations is this: ‘What good might this do to me?’ No matter how long it takes to find the answer to this question, in the end that alone is what heals our soul, helps us find ourselves and makes us more positive. This little change in perspective – from focussing on what’s good rather than what’s bad – is what can keep us going.

What can we do to stay positive? Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to stay positive. But once an effort is taken, it is possible to find happiness in everything, even create happiness where necessary. There is a lot that can be done. Try to look at things in as many different ways as possible. Assert yourself, “you can do it” and push yourself again. Do what you love and love what you do. Give yourself a break from those things that hurt you – even people. Think of what can be done, not what damage has already occurred. Have patience. Remember, it is the little things that matter in life. Stop expecting and start doing. Smile to yourself and be thankful for your life. There are people out there who want to be in your place, so consider yourself lucky. Inculcate habits which are healthy both physically and mentally. Never give up, because better things are yet to come!

Loneliness

Loneliness. Deep, dark, brutal. Every time it approaches you, it eats you from the inside. It makes you want to cry, to do crazy things. It is one of the major causes of depression, even suicide. Most of it is because you expected people to be there when you needed them, and they simply didn’t show up. Sadly, almost everyone goes through this every day. Most of them are either ashamed to say it out loud or don’t even know what just happened to their emotions. And yes, I experienced it too.

After my spinal cord injury, I have seen many people go away. Many of the new people I met just stared at me and my wheelchair, and I felt more embarrassed than ever. Surprisingly, many of my old not-so-close friends were still there for me. I had never thought they would be the ones who would comfort me. But the weight of losing my close ones was so much, I felt lonely. Then I started going to school. This was even worse than in the hospital. It was me who could not move around the class and socialise, not my classmates. But maybe only a few of my classmates realised this, and they became the reason my fake smiles turned into real ones. But the others – they just made me lonely. Maybe they couldn’t accept me like this – a bubbly and cheerful girl full of life, extremely active sportsperson, now sitting in a wheelchair. Maybe they were scared, or didn’t even care. Now, I realised that I couldn’t find my happiness and comfort in everyone. So I decided that I wanted to break free.

I started to shift my focus from being primarily social to studying hard and do what I loved and could. Every time I felt lonely, I sought my wonderful parents. I told them everything I felt, even cried if I wanted to. They understand me better than anybody else ever will. Of course it felt weird the first time, but then we didn’t even need to talk. A nice warm hug would do it all. My loneliness? Temporarily gone, until the next time I’m unable to attend a party with friends or tired of having to stand out. I still go all over these things every single time I feel lonely so I would feel better. And then I entered class 11, a major positive spin in my life.

I am in the Humanities stream, Arts as it was known as previously. We are only 14 students. But on the first day we discovered that we had to sit along with the commerce students. Somehow, I wasn’t happy. I knew almost everybody, but I just couldn’t stand all the staring. I only talked to a few students – I was afraid of the others because I thought they would make fun of me, exclude me. (Luckily this didn’t happen) Then, finally after the attendance was done and the 14 of us went together for our first lesson, I realised that just like me, they were nervous, afraid and shy. They felt the same as me, but in a different context. So I decided to open up, and since we were only 14 in number, we had enough time to speak about ourselves. My new friends started to wipe out my loneliness. They included me in everything I could possibly do. They made me feel special and happy, I had a chance to introspect a lot, I had an opportunity to find true friends, all because they were (and are) by my side. Now when I’m lonely, it is mainly because I rarely meet some of my close friends as they have changed schools. But then, there’s always the thought that wherever they are, they must be happy, and that makes me feel good.

Finally, the battle against loneliness is tough, strenuous and long. But it’s not like we can’t do anything about it: actually there’s a lot we can do. Watch movies, go out to play, listen to your favourite music, introspect, and travel. And yes, find someone who listens to you when you need them, and don’t hide anything from them. Got nobody? Write a diary, or a blog. Discover your creative side. Learn to let go. Remember, if you keep it in your heart, it will break you. Share it with those you trust and you will be happy again!

The Incident That Changed Me

It's been almost three months since I faced what might be the biggest accident of my life. I injured my spine, just a day before the Indian Independence Day – 14^th of August, 2016. The most difficult consequence is that I can’t feel my legs; the most beautiful one, that I understood how “everything happens for a reason.”

People all around me say that when you’re in trouble, only those who really care about you will come to help, to make you smile, to make you feel better. It wasn’t until this happened that I understood the true essence of this statement. Some people also say that I’m way too mature for my age – I’m going to be 15 – but that’s perfectly fine, especially when they use this to praise me. I mean, who doesn’t like to be praised, right?

Around two weeks before my accident, I was in a teenager crisis, fighting with whom I considered to be my closest friends. One reason was they had made new friends, with whom I was very uncomfortable. Another, I had suddenly become so dependent on my friends that I would never like to be left alone. I guess I had just never come out of my class 9^th popularity. Last year, in class 9^th , I was the General Secretary of my school, and this had made a huge difference in my life. I was popular, interacted with so many students and teachers at all times. Such a busy time it was, being a part of the student council. Then came class 10. A new life, a new world. The student council changed, and I realised how arrogant I had become. I was shocked the day I realised that I wasn’t the same silly bugger who could get along, company or not. In fact, friends were all that kept me going at school. Of course, I was aware that I had become a part of a lot of gossip, but some perfectly horrid creature in my mind just kept telling me, “They’re just jealous of you babe! You don’t need to worry!”

Thank god, I realised at the right time what the consequence of this could be. After that time came these two weeks, when my friends had got over me, but unfortunately, I was a bit too late to get adjusted to all this. Then God decided to give me a break from all this tumult in my life, and here he put me, in my bed for a month, then sitting for another one and a half.

As the first two weeks passed by, I noticed that even though my friends made new friends and were hanging out with them, they never really forgot me. And those whom I wouldn’t bear to talk with, actually came to visit me twice or thrice till I came home. All this wonderful stuff happens to me even today, almost three months after the life-changing day of my life.

Truly amazing, how tough times change people. I really thank God for making me the person I am, not making me cry at any point, or become weak. I guess now I know, why most of those who know me, call me a Little Lioness!